Friday, November 11, 2011
Who are your Sons friends?
You meet your sons friends but what do you really know about them?
You know they have a "front" up when they are around you (front: a facade of how they think you want them to behave). But what do they really say and do when you are not around.
A "front" can not be kept up forever - so the best way to find out more about them is to spend more time with them. Take them to the movies, take them to ball games, take your son and his friends to as many places where they will become so involved they will drop their front and you'll know their true behavior.
Now comes the tough part - what if this is a person you DO NOT want your son hanging with?
One tool to direct "who your son hangs with," is to be honest about the behavior you don't like. Then reward; with movies, ball games etc., your son and the friends you DO like.
I'm sure you are aware that as soon as you say you don't like one of your sons friends he will get extremely defensive and argumentative. Don't get into that argument; simply state you just wanted him to know. Then state you don't mind taking him to events with friends who do not have bad behaviors. Your son then has the choice; hang with the bad kid or have fun outings with the good kid. Kind of tough discipline but I have dealt with hundreds of boys who were misled by the bad kid. I'd rather be tough now in the small things than deal with the consequeces.