Monday, November 14, 2011

My boy wants to be a girl

This has been a really rough subject of conversation in our BAM programs: half of the seminars we have done have had a mother come up with this as an issue.
It is really difficult to have any correct response without knowing the circumstances. If a boy has an older sister he admires - he may simply be seeing her as a roll model. Perhaps even a strong mother figure has had the same affect.
The age is a major factor; take out the hormones, as with young boys, and they may just be going through a phase of experimenting.
There is no "answer". The most important consideration is how the adult and siblings react. In this day and age of pro-homosexuality (which my stance is that I do not agree with) the first response from people often is the boy is a homosexual. The child is extremely impressionable about "who" they are. If everyone tells them they are a homosexual - then they will presume they must be. Even if they have no interest in sex with other men (I know that is a harsh statement but we play around with this subject with the word gay etc. and I believe we need to spell out the behavior for the truth of what it is).
So not over reacting or labeling is the most important "lack" of reaction to take.
The next issue brought up is; My boy thinks he's gay. Again - Your reaction is critical. Your ability to discuss what they are feeling and why they are making that statment is very important. Don't be afraid to let your son work through thoughts and feelings. Emotions often stem from circumstances and things that have happened to them; let them discuss and talk about their past to find out what is going on. If you can't; find a counselor that can. However I will warn that you need to have a very personal interview with a counselor and find out what their view is before allowing them to possibly manipulate your sons thoughts. Do not work with a counselor who will not share their opinions and personal beliefs.
I have had many 13 to 17 year old boys in the Detention Centers come to me stating they believe they are gay because they have these feelings about other boys in the center. The first thing I always do is state what my stance is and point out that other people have other opinions. Once that is understood I tell them they can listen to my view point and others and then should make their own decision. At which point you are free to give them your thoughts without having to be politically correct.
My stance is that I believe the Bible. We take time to read through Romans Chapter One - but I do not stop at vs 27 but continue through to vs 32 where we see people who are proud, full of envy, violent, boasters, even dis-obedient to parents and ask if these people feel this is something they want to do...do they choose to do it? So the truth is we all have sinful thoughts and desires but it is what we CHOOSE to do with those thoughts.
They can consider that stance vs the stance of someone who states they can't help their behavior it is just who they are. You get the idea.
God gave us the choice - so it is not our duty to force a behavior but to make sure the boy understands what the choices are.

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