Monday, November 28, 2011

Mom - I don't want to go to church

Another common question in our seminars is what to do when a teenage son state's he doesn't want to go to church anymore.

I think we need to start with looking at it from your son's point of view.

To begin with; we see too many examples of young men who went to church doing just as badly as those who never went into a church. So the real problem and question that needs to be answered is WHY they are going to church. If it's to please mom or out of duty...they are not going to listen and they are not going to get anything out of it. Just as God gave us free choice and does not force anyone to worship we have to give the young man free choice once he's reached a certain age. This was the bar mitzvah in the Jewish tradition. When a young man was declared able to make a choice of going to church or not. A great book that covers this is The Differance a Father Makes

So there are two points:
One - an age needs to be set when the young man can make his own choice.
Two - he needs to be going to church for the right reason; it is far more important to discuss the WHY of going to church vs the duty of going to church.

We really can not force morality or a relationship with God onto anyone; all we can do is guide and point out the consequences.


  1. Another aspect here is what is the church offering the young men? I am not only referring to action and excitement, but a spiritual challenge. Many of our young men are looking for a challenge, and the ability to connect to something bigger than themselves. I think these things can be both/and.

  2. Great point Steve,
    Too often we are trying to entertain like the world to keep their attention not realizing just how much young people are looking for hope, love and purpose; all of which point to Christ.
    Thank you for the input.
    If you have an example send it to and we will post it as a guest blog.