Tuesday, January 18, 2011

RAISING FEMININE BOYS

  To a mom being feminine is a wonderful thing; but should a mom raise her son to be feminine like she is?
Children mimic and copy what they hear and see parents do. So it is not surprising that divorce has created a generation of men who are insecure about being masculine.
What is "being masculine"? What is the positive roll model of masculine? The words mom used on the BAM DVD are: protective, self sacrificing, responsible, provider.

Finding male mentors that represent that roll model is a mom's key job in helping her son become a masculine man. Pointing out examples of men who represent those characteristics to her son can help him see what you are encouraging him to become. Have you, as a mom, ever taken the time to consider what masculine characteristics you would like to see in your boy when he grows into a man? Like everything, a boy does not automatically become a man, he grows into that position. If he's not encouraged to grow into a man, what motivation is there for him to work at building that character? When I develop discussion groups on "helping your boy become a man", there is a lot of negative emotion from women ranging from anger to disgust. The John Wayne image Hollywood portrays, is not the "man", we are talking about. Let's list a few key words: .
1. Responsibility 2. Truthfulness 3. Accountability .
Much of the anger from women in these groups, is because a male who calls himself a man, just because he's over 21, has not demonstrated any of these characteristics. These have to be taught. But a man sees this a lot differently than a woman as we discuss in the BAM work book. There is also a rebellion when the woman wants responsibility from the male as a means of getting what she wants. If you are teaching it to manipulate your son to become a person who suits your feminine ideals, he will see through that and rebel. So often the boy who is acting out is rebelling from the WAY the woman is trying to teach him how to full-fill these three key words. These three key words should be about every day life, school, how they treat friends, how they play games. .
The phrase "be a man" or "man-up", are used by fathers to often point out this behavior, such as; not taking out the trash as accountability, uses the male ego as to "who" they are, and how they should act, to demonstrate that they are "a man". So as a mother, it is important to guide and direct a son using terms and conditions that indicate that being masculine is being responsible, telling the truth and doing what they said they were going to do. .
A boy has an inherent desire to be a man just as a girl as an inherent desire to be a woman. But if a woman is the only roll model, angrily states, "men are pigs", because a male let her down, the boy becomes embarrassed at his inherent desire to become a man. The damage is extremely hard to repair in the male psyche. If your father told you as a little girl that woman are pigs...what would that have done to your desire to become a woman? The end result is a boy wanting to mimic the roll model he sees, that mom does not consider "bad". .
I have worked in juvenile detention centers with boys dealing with this issue. And although it is not popular in modern culture, there is a man in the Bible who was a clear example of masculine, and responsible, by the name of Jesus Christ. This is the roll model I point to. Courage, strength, masculine, kind and caring, but in all ways a man.

1 comment:

  1. Completely agree with the need for strong male role models. However you would have to get a better definition of the word masculine for me to agree with that being the end goal.

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